i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The best revenge is premature balding
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
