So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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