Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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