The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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