The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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