Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
