How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
