I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
