There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
