get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I deserve this hangover.
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