for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
