I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
