Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
