Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
