Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
