i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize