U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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