hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
