Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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