No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room