took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.