9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.