there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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