It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.