he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
