all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
