So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
