i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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