so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
