Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
