Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
