I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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