Buhtt sex?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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