What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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