Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
