she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
