Your dad touched me again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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