Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
