I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize