So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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