i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
