Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
