I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
