I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
