Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
