wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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