he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
