i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
