My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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