got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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