I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
