So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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