All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
