My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
