theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
