Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
