That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
