I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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