He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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